I dropped the girls at school, and sighed deeply. It had been a morning of tears, and grumpiness. I felt I had gone ten rounds of emotional battle before 9am, (and lost most of them).
I was weary and teary, but I rushed home and got things ready for the trip to Rockingham. I called my Mum as I drove, and then I called my best friend. Talking the whole trip down.
It wasn’t until I sat down at the table, and the timer was set for the ‘Shut up and write’, that I suddenly realised how worn out I was. Emotionally I have been holding my family together. But not even thinking about me.
I have been working hard to make sure my girls get down time in their day. I am working hard to make sure our family gets space on the weekends to unwind. But what about me?
I have to remember that I am a part of our family too, and whether I like it or not, my girls can perceive my emotions (even though they may not be able to articulate that).
And for me, time to reflect and process is essential.
I need to write, because as the words eek out on the page, I start to realise what I am feeling.
I need silence, as I can’t hear my own thoughts when I drown them out with music and chatter.
I need space, set aside with no plans, in order to really reflect.
But at heart I need to choose to reflect.
I need to choose to sit with my thoughts.
I need to choose to create the space.
I need to choose to shut off the noise.
It would be easy for me to hurtle into 2018. I have been buying the girls’ school supplies and uniform for next year. My diary is already filling up. I could simply race into the year ahead.
But I need time to think about the year that has passed, and time to intentionally plan for next year. I need to examine the highs and lows. I need time to think about the changes I want to make. I need to time to savour my achievements and mourn my losses.
So I choose.
I choose to make space.
I choose to listen to my inner voice.
I choose to reflect.
Jodie
PS – If you are looking for a great tool to reflect on the year past and plan for the year ahead, check out my friend Amanda Viviers ‘New Days’ reflection book.
PPS – Sometimes you need to say no to things (good things) or even (shock horror) reschedule, in order to create the space you need. Or so I’ve heard!