“When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted.”
Matthew 28: 17 (NIV)
There is a habit of behaving that comes from a time of pain and sorrow. There is a pattern of fear, a constant belief that things will collapse.
When we have been through a trial and something has gone wrong, there is often a lingering sense of distrust. We are always on the look out for the next bad thing.
So, we continue to live in habits of pain. These habits become patterns that shape our decisions and we continue to live out of them.
Jesus appears to the eleven remaining disciples on a mountain. He appears where he had said he would appear to them.
These are his closest companions from his time on earth, they knew him more intimately than anyone else, and yet still some doubted. They showed up on the mountain, where he asked them to go to, and still some doubted.
I wonder if they too had fallen into a pattern of disbelief and distrust? I wonder if they had been so shaken by seeing their friend arrested, tortured and crucified that they could not fathom the appearance of him before them?
When we emerge from the darkness into the light, how do we remember to walk in hope?
This passage in Matthew and in fact the book of Matthew ends with this sentence: “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28: 20)
It is in remembering that he is with us when we are forsaken; when we are entombed by our pain and grief; when we are afraid; and when we doubt. It is in remembering that there is no judgement for our honest feelings in the midst of our pain.
It is in this statement of fact with a “surely” thrown in there to get the point across that we find our grace for the journey.
Faith
maybe sometimes
faith
is not so much
me claiming his promises
and me standing on his word
and me shouting out for answers
maybe sometimes
it is me questioning
without answers
maybe sometimes
it is me silent
and disconnected
maybe sometimes
faith
is him holding on
despite me
Jodie McCarthy
This devotional series was originally sent to newsletter subscribers in Easter of 2018. I pray it gives you grace for your journey. If you would like to get my monthly newsletter please sign up here
Jodie