Last winter our eldest daughter was very sick with croup. We had a number of days where she ate nothing, lay about listlessly watching telly, and coughed all day and night. At the time what got us through was dry crackers, marshmallows, Vicks vapour rub and a number of pre-recorded Play School episodes that I could play as needed. That was a year ago.
Today, I have so many episodes pre-recorded on the box, that the box is full of nothing but Play School. See, I am worried that if she gets that sick again, or my youngest gets sick, I won’t have something to help keep them occupied. So I literally have industrial quantities of pre-recorded shows just in case.
This week I have been trying to cull them, trying to get rid of around half, trying to at least delete the ones from last year (yes – it is actually that bad). And you know, it is so hard to press the delete button.
Even as I type this I understand how ridiculous. But I want to feel prepared, just in case. I want to feel like maybe I can control the uncontrollable. I want to feel like I can protect my daughter from further bouts of croup.
Pre-recorded shows don’t guard anyone from anything, they don’t allow me to control anything. They simply fill up my recorder with lots and lots of unwatched shows, to the point that we can’t record something we do want to watch.
And yes, I know it is a small thing, but it is one I need to take note of. As I have a feeling there are other places where I need to acknowledge that I don’t have control, and let go of my ‘just in case’ back-up plans.
But first to press delete …