I have had a number of conversations recently, where I have been asked my opinion on topics totally unrelated to me. In fact I have been asked to give my opinion on things that relate to some other person of my acquaintance. Such as what I think about the way someone dresses, or how they parent, or the decision they have just made.
It is easy for me get involved in those conversations. After all I have been asked. My opinion must be worth something, mustn’t it?
And what’s more I like being asked. I like feeling like I have some sort of knowledge on these subjects.
But in reality, it’s irrelevant.
My opinion has no bearing at all on the other person. So what if they parent one way or another? It is their family. God-given to them not me. Likewise, it is their clothing choices, or it is their decision that they need to make how they choose. So in reality I waste a lot of my life passing comment on other people, in a conversation they will never hear.
It is wasted time, it is irrelevant conversation, but most importantly it is detrimental to me. Because it builds in me a critical spirit. It builds in me a sense that I know what I am doing, that I’ve got it together on these things and the person I am passing comment on does not.
And that is far from the truth. It is my own insecurities that place me in the position of participating in these conversations. My need to be heard, to feel like what I have to say is worthwhile. My own neediness.
I am not living their life. I don’t know the circumstances or the reasons behind their choices. And nor should I.
In fact this habit of judging people (let’s call it what it really is) is ugly and time-consuming, and takes up too much of my thoughts.
Now if capacity is my word for this year. I have a feeling, I don’t have room for that crap anymore. Because that’s what it is, rubbish filling up my mind.
If capacity is really what I’m after then I need space in my life to handle everything I am going to take on. I am going to need space in my brain to take on some of these challenges. I am going to need space in my spirit to handle new and different emotional situations. And that means creating space by getting rid of some things. I am going to start with eliminating these irrelevant conversations, and see how much room that frees up.