Once again in the middle of having a massage I had to be told to relax. Why is it that something that I go to do, expressly to relax, is also somewhere where I need to be told to relax?
As the masseur pounded my body and rubbed the tension out of my aching shoulders and back, I found that my mind was going crazy with ideas and plans and thoughts.
And the thing about this whirling mind is that the masseur could see it in my body, I hadn’t fully submitted to her not so tender ministrations. I hadn’t relinquished control.
While nominally I liked the idea of submitting my body to someone else’s control, in reality my mind was overthinking and fighting it.
Anyone else see the truth in this? Where we say “God I give myself to you, I submit to you, you’re in control. You’re in charge. I will relax and await your instruction.”
But in reality we are fighting to gain control, wondering and anticipating his instruction, not relaxing at all.
While the masseur rubbed the tension out of my body, I concentrated on releasing the tension in my mind. Surrending my multitude of whirring thoughts, somewhat reluctantly at first, to my father.
As my shoulders were rubbed I surrendered worry and anxiety and breathed in peace, I surrendered my thoughts and plans for the future and breathed in his control over my life, I surrendered my desperate desire to do something for him, and just was content to be with him.
I went into that room, for a massage, because I thought I needed to relax. I came out of that room with a new spiritual discipline and a greater trust.
Maybe I need to do it more often,