This is the post I have been putting off writing. This is the post I have found every possible reason to delay. This is the post that makes laundry look appealing and Facebook scrolling imperative.
This is the post where I tell you my word for the year.
My word for last year was “connection”, and it conjured up images of fun family times and intentional relationship. My word for this year sounds somewhat less pretty. In fact, it sounds to me often daunting, and sometimes even arrogant.
In fact, when I got this word for the year I immediately texted it to two good friends because although I knew it was right, I didn’t want it! I needed accountability so I didn’t back out and claim an easier, prettier word.
So, what is this word? This word that has stalled my writing, and increased my devotion to household chores? The word is abundance.
Yes, abundance with the meaning:
copious supply, great amount; fullness or benevolence; degree of plentifulness; affluence
And why am I so afraid of it? Because in my heart I question, “Who am I to believe in abundance? Who am I to claim this and speak this over my 2019?” I am worried that I am going to be overwhelmed by an abundance of things to do, an abundance of challenges and growth.
I have a friend who is into permaculture and she had a very different reaction than me to the word abundance. For in permaculture abundance is planned for. It is an intentional way of gardening that requires very careful reflection and planning before it becomes a reality.
My friend also told me that abundance in permaculture is prefaced by a time of observing and reflecting. Then plants are placed carefully in order to support each other and get the best out of the conditions with the aim to create an abundant eco-system that is eventually self-sustaining.
Furthermore, in permaculture abundance is a harvest that has been planned with much reflection. It is a part of the cycle that also needs to be intentionally managed as there is a mandate to make sure you preserve the harvest well.
Many of you know I have been writing a book on grief. I have been carrying this manuscript for a few years now, and this week the book is with an editor. The time is coming for the planning and the reflection to end, and for the fruit to ripen and be harvested.
Yes, I am daunted by how much stretching is required in embracing abundance. I am overwhelmed by the growth. But when I apply the permaculture definition of abundance. I understand that this is a natural part of the process and I have a mandate to do something with the harvest.
I have also been pondering the words from below. It is amazing how these verses change when I replace the word Corinthians with my name. Believing in abundance for 2019 means I need to live openly and expansively.
Dear, dear Corinthians, I can’t tell you how much I long for you to enter this wide-open, spacious life. We didn’t fence you in. The smallness you feel comes from within you. Your lives aren’t small, but you’re living them in a small way. I’m speaking as plainly as I can and with great affection. Open up your lives. Live openly and expansively!2 Corinthians 6:11-13 (MSG)