on recharging and recalibration

I found myself in tears on Sunday evening. Unbidden. Unexpected. As Frederick Beuchner says, ‘whenever you find tears in your eyes, especially unexpected tears, it is well to pay the closest attention’.

I paid attention.

I dug down to the why of the tears. I shared with Mr, how I was feeling. We investigated together what was really going on.

I have been privileged to speak at a number of MOPS groups in our city recently. My topic has been on the importance of self-care. So imagine my astonishment, when my husband quoted my own talk back to me.

It is with a wry smile that I admit, I have been so busy talking about self-care, that I neglected to do it.

So Mr declared this week, recharge week.

Recharging is a renewing of energy, like when one has a flat battery. Or is run down and worn out. It is a replenishing, a reviving.

I love the idea, and whilst it is important, for me in this season, it doesn’t feel quite enough.

I actually think this week needs to be more of a recalibration. A real overhaul of my priorities, of where my focus lies. My focus has been too external. I have been too out there looking and not in here examining.

The words I want for this season are finished, achieved, arrived, succeeded. Words declared loudly, boldly, and emphatically. Preferably with a flourish of my arms (and maybe a bow). So I write to-do-lists. I send Mr texts, detailing how many loads of washing I have done already (and it’s only 11am). I want to quantify my achievement. Prove my worth.

Instead the words that are whispering to me in this season are smaller. Words like rest, space, gentleness, faithfulness, gratitude, and peace.

My hands are not outstretched in a grand gesture, but are cupped in fragile prayer. My focus is drawn back to my inner circle; my soul, my God, my family.

The smaller words are whispered for a reason. There is no achievement to point to.

When asked at the school gate ‘what did you do with your day?’ The answer, ‘I rested’, is perceived as slack, lazy, selfish. But maybe it’s not? Maybe it’s actually the most valuable thing you could do?

Maybe it is just what is needed to recalibrate your soul?

Join me for the journey,

Jodie