This year I posed a very bold question over my year. ‘Fear or faith?’
As has happened every year, unexpected words have attached themselves to these words. And I have been very surprised to how these two much more gentle words have grown stronger in me … ‘grace and space’.
My need for space is becoming ever more apparent to me.
I need physical space. So I am attempting to clear the clutter and simplify my physical possessions. I need space in my diary, for downtime, and so I am learning to guard that.
I need emotional space. I need time to think through my emotions and ask myself questions about why I acted that way. I need time to process new information from friends, or books, or talks. I am learning to give myself time to figure out what I really think rather than give a quick reaction. And I am trying not to get impatient with myself when it takes a while.
I need spiritual space. I need to shut off my phone, and all the constant chatter of social media. I need to turn off the TV and the music. I need to stop filling my mind with my blogroll or facebook.
I need to sit in silence and allow myself the chance to sit with my thoughts. For in that place I can hear the deep cries of my heart, the unheard complaints of my body, and the quiet voice of my God.
In this endeavour, I have found that I need to have so much grace for myself. Forgiving myself freely when I don’t meet my own exacting standards. When I fall and fail, picking myself up and tenderly brushing myself off, as I would for my children. Remembering that I am a child of grace, and resting in that truth.
‘Fear or faith’, walking hand in hand with ‘grace and space’.
I rather like that.
Join me for the journey,