My intentional slowing down, stripping back, taking time, weighing each thing for the year before deciding, has an unintentional result.
It is overwhelming me at times, filled with nothingness. So I try to fill it. With my thoughts and plans and schemes.
And then I remember … I’m not doing that just yet. I’m waiting.
Then I find the hidden things in me surface, my envy, my fear, my sadness. So I try to quash those things again with noise and busyness, activity and endeavour.
And then I remember … waiting.
I am wrestling with the silence at the moment, I am trying to subdue it, make it not so … well loud!
I want to find a way to be at peace with the silence, to stop fighting it.
I have an image in my head of me sitting in the silence, sitting with the silence, and I wonder, is it possible?