Too much on my mind, so I’ll sum it all up in a word play:

expectant: expecting, anticipating, or hopeful; having expectations; pregnant; a person who expects something

The thing about being expectant is it is all about the anticipation and the hope. And there is no real concept of the reality. It is a dream world of hopes and expectations, exciting and a little scary but with no grounding.

That’s why I included the “pregnant” definition above. It sums up the way that you can be excited and hopeful and waiting, and think that you know what you are getting yourself in for … but you don’t really.

And like a pregnancy the idea starts small and slowly grows with you. You are inevitably changed in the process, physically, emotionally and mentally. The process of the waiting is an important way to prepare both you and the child for the reality of delivery.

For when reality hits it is messy. It is joyful but hard. It is more tangible there is something you can actually hold on to, it is also where you start to say “If I knew it would be like this …”

I am expectant, I am hopeful, I am anticipating, I am waiting, (I’m not pregnant!)

But I understand that feeling, the feeling of half joyful, half fretful, unknowing anticipation.

Next post from Cambodia,