flowers in vase

Prompted by Elaine’s comment on yesterday’s post Now What? and a technique that Brené Brown uses, today I wrote myself a permission slip.

It says “you have permission to stop”.

As I wrote those words, others flowed out of my worn out and weary soul, and on to the page.

You see I am a stay at home mum. I have no boss. Or put another way, I am the boss. I am the one who decides the order of my days, the tasks that fill it and the speed with which they are done.

And the words that followed from me giving myself ‘permission to stop’ shook me to my core:

you are the boss, and you are a hard task master.

It’s all on me. I am the worker and I am the boss. I am the one pushing myself, I am the one setting exacting standards, and getting down on myself when they are not met. There is no one else I can blame here but me.

So what does that mean?

It means I am responsible for unsubscribing (again) from all those good but not useful for me right now blogs.

It means I am the one who has to remember that I don’t say yes to something because it is a good thing, but I carefully consider whether it is the best thing for me right now.

It means I give myself grace and space to process.

It means sometimes I just read something for fun, or because I enjoy it, rather than for what I will learn.

It means cooking, and colouring, and getting outside.

It means flowers, and candles, and music I love.

It means I learn how to be a better boss. So that the part of me that is the worker doesn’t get burnt out.

Do you need to give yourself grace and space? Do you need to simply stop? Or do something purely for the love of it? Do you need to write yourself a permission slip? What would it say?

Me, I’m off to light a candle, do some colouring, and stop.