the uncomfortable pause

grey beach

We have had a pause here, an extra day of rest.  A bonus on the end of our weekend that has allowed us just to chill and mellow with the family.

But so often we fill up these days too: “Woohoo, a holiday! Ok let’s tackle the jungle we call a garden; pick out the new paint sample for the lounge; redecorate one of the girl’s bedrooms; and cook the three course meal that we can’t do on a regular week night.” … Or is that just me?!

See, sometimes I find it very hard just to pause. To be in the moment. To have no plans, and see how the day unfolds. Sometimes I think that busy is the safer option. That way I won’t think I’ve wasted the day.

And yes, sometimes it is about fear of not getting things done. But sometimes it is more about fear of feeling things. You see if you pause, then things get uncomfortable.

Have you ever had a conversation with someone who takes long considered pauses to answer your questions? If you are anything like me it is acutely uncomfortable. I find myself trying to step in and fill the silence with words. Any words. So long as there is no uncomfortable pause.

I get the same uncomfortable effect when I stop filling my days with things to do.

If I stop doing then I have to start being.

But just like in that conversation, the uncomfortable, overlong silence is there for a reason. Uncomfortable pauses give me thinking time. They help me discover what is really going on. They help me find the root cause of my busyness and help me find out what I’ve been avoiding.

Maybe it’s doing for so long I don’t know how to be anymore.

Maybe being is too painful. If I stop doing then I will once more remember the pain that I use busyness to numb.

So even though I dislike it, I have am learning to sit with the discomfort and listen to what the pause it is telling me.

Join me for the journey,