I am in the middle. In the middle of the term; in the middle of the primary years of parenting; in the middle of fifty-three thousand unfinished tasks (or so it seems). My mind is always full with too many tabs open.
I’m dropping the ball. Last week I took the girls to their swimming class straight after school. I had packed the bag with a warm change of clothes, googles, towel, everything but their swimmers!
On Friday my youngest daughter (pictured above) turns 7. And I will have a 7-year-old and an 8-year-old for a season. And it surprises me how long I’ve been doing this parenting gig. And how much I still feel like a complete novice. I’m still so unsure of what I’m doing and I’m still so very desperate to get it right for their sakes.
Often this manifests itself in an attitude of instruction, “please use your cutlery; don’t swing on your chair; please finish your mouthful before speaking.” Whilst this example is from the dinner table, some days it feels like my whole day is issuing instructions.
I have been feeling the gap of late. The gap between who I am, and who I want to be. The gap between what I know and what I need to know. There is a steep learning curve and I am right at the bottom of it.
I am in a season of stretch. I am in a season of great exponential growth.
I have a deep sense of my inadequacy, my shortfall, and what I lack. I feel unprepared to tackle the season ahead.
And as it has been a long time since my January post, I remind you again of the definition of embrace:
Embrace: to take and clasp in the arms; to clasp as in affection, greeting; to accept willingly or eagerly; to take up a new idea, faith etc., adopt; to comprise or include as an integral part; to encircle or enclose (from Old French a pair of arms)