I have been in a season of good things, a season of great things, a season of wonderful things that all happened one after another. I feel like I turned 40 and my life went crazy in the best sort of way. So from my birthday to now – the past three months have been very busy.
At the moment my spirit feels like a dust cloud, so many particles up in the air vying for my attention and I can’t see a clear way forward. Yet I am trying. So I am fumbling through the cloud, and getting sand in my eyes and throat, and wondering why I can’t see clearly and why I just can’t breathe.
You see at the end of my last post, I said: “Processing … it’s a process. And let’s be honest I am only just at the beginning of it, I’ve a feeling there is much more processing to come.”
But in all honesty, I don’t want it to be like that. I want answers now, or at least very soon. I want the processing to go through quickly so I can know what the next right thing to do is.
I had a very valuable conversation with a friend of mine this morning. The kind of conversation where she asked just the right questions. Reflection questions on the past season, “How did I manage the last three months?”, “What would I do differently?”, “What have I learned?”
Me I am too focused on the now and the next thing. I haven’t even paused to look back.
So as I let her questions settle on my soul, I heard my answer to the next right thing. The next right thing for me is to rest, and to reflect. To let the processing run its course in its time not mine.
My job right now is not to figure out things for the future or push for the processing to happen quicker. My job is to rest, rejuvenate, recover and reflect. The next right thing will show itself later, but for now the right thing is to rest.
I strive to live in the present. But I forget sometimes, that living in the present, sometimes means taking time to reflect on the past, and not rushing ahead of things. It means sometimes letting things sift, and settle, and when the murky cloud of sand clears then I can see the way ahead.